Balance in Bikram - The Guilt Trip

I am not very good at balance when it comes to my Bikram Yoga practice. Because I love it so much, It becomes all consuming. It is something I struggle. I want to take a yoga class every day, even twice a day if possible!  I want to eat, sleep, talk Bikram Yoga. My husband says it's annoying, yes- but there are worse things I could be addicted to.

I tend to teach 8-10 classes a week, and sometimes 3 of those classes are in ONE single day. That's up to 4.5 hours in 105+ degree room at 40-50 % humidity. Talking. Talking loudly, that is, for 90 minutes. Despite the seemingly few number of classes I teach, my number qualifies me as a "full-time" Bikram teacher. It's a huge time commitment since I am required to be at the studio 30-45 minutes before and after each class not including commute time to/from each studio. I currently divide my time between 2 studios that about 10 miles apart. 

The teaching in itself would be fine, but in order to remain a good teacher, one must have a solid practice. 

There is the issue of hydration. And of course, TIME. I am married and mom to a 13 year old dog and a cat. No children. Sometimes I have to make the decision:  will the laundry get done or will I do my yoga? ; pay bills or yoga?; mop my floors or yoga? lunch w/  non-yoga friends or yoga THEN lunch with yoga friends? blog or yoga?  As you can see,  I haven't had a blog entry in about 2 years so it's quite obvious where I've been spending my time.

Bikram Yoga brings all of your issues out- and I feel like mine are on open display like a piece of art in a psych ward. Yes, my yoga practice has improved since practicing every single day, sometimes twice a day, but

what am I doing this for? And at what expense? Am I better off than if I would have a 3-4 times a week practice? Are my relationships suffering?

Here's the thing- I feel SUPER guilty if I skip a day. Maybe its the Catholic School guilt. My mind starts to race:  “Why are you not doing yoga?” “You should be doing yoga.” “You could have been doing yoga now.” 

I started to fend this guilt off by taking non-Bikram classes. Something completely opposite. Opposite Kim- like opposite George from Seinfeld but slightly cuter :-). I started with Vinyasa flow on Tuesday night and I feel so renewed and inspired from that class - even 3 days later. I learned how to do forearm stands and even attempted my very first handstand!!! 

To be continued......