Week 8: The end of dialogue, bloated, tired & cranky.

It's the end of our training as we know it. 

Group 9!!!

I feel bloated, retaining loads of water and be chronically sleep deprived and cranky. I’ve been so self-consumed with my feelings, posture clinics and keeping tabs on my next sign in time that I have forgotten what a sacrifice most of these people have made to be here. Sometimes it can seem like a handful of people came here as a joke or because their parents made them. I must say, the majority of people I have met have left their significant others for nine weeks, left their children and pets at home, relying on others to pick up the slack for 9 weeks. Many have taken out loans order to come, they have asked friends and family for money, have quit their jobs, sold their homes, etc, to do this, all to be able to go out and teach this yoga to the world. 


The entire experience has gotten to the point where it is too difficult for me to write about it here. Experiences are happening at warp speed and it wouldn't make sense if you didn't attend teacher training. 


The one common theme weaved in throughout my posts is that I am not a big fan of criticism – and this of course made me  cranky. Then it occurred to me when I discussed this with my roommate who experienced something similar, that I was looking for approval in the wrong place. I need to be so happy and sure of MYSELF. Take the critique, absorb what I need to objectively, and not think of it as a personal attack of character. Why didn't I come HERE instead of college? Valuable life skills were developed here. 


After next week, all 384 of us will never be together in the same room again. We will go back home, all over the world, and settle back into our routines. However, we will always share a close bond with each other. We laughed, cried, made fools of ourselves for 9 weeks in teeny tiny rooms all for the same goal to share this yoga with others. They will be my friends for life. I may not be best of friends with everyone, but I would bend over backwards for each and every one of them if they ever needed anything from me. 


Those who have not gone through this training may have a tough time understanding how stressful and time consuming it is to learn the dialogue. Up to this point in the training the dialogue has been the main focus.  On any given break, you see people everywhere holding their dialogue. We mumble to ourselves while eating lunch, walking to class, or waiting for the van to pick us up form the grocery store. I have spent each morning practicing with others in random hallways in order to get ready to teach. The dialogue is relentless. At times we have to deliver two postures a day and there is always seemed to be another one, more complicated than the last, lurking around the corner. It is relentless. Even on the weekends, when I am  ‘free’, I cannot fully relax as I know I will be teaching my first class in 2 weeks. I even have "dialogue dreams" which I am told will never end.


I will get my tired, cranky, bloated body into my yoga kit and start week 9. 

Week 7: "Sometimes we need to crack in order to see the light."- Brandy Lyn

Week 7: "Sometimes we need to crack in order to see the light."- Brandy Lyn

Week 7 done and Bikram's quote "Better to suffer 90 minutes than 90 years" got me through most of the week.

Teachers demonstrating Fixed Firm Pose in posture clinic

We had double posture clinics most days which meant we went through postures again at warp speed. We got up to Rabbit Pose and we will most likely finish the remaining postures this week.  Frankie & Laura came to training to get re-certified and stayed through until Tuesday morning. I was fortunate enough to have Frankie in posture clinic Monday. Unfortunately, she got to see my "experiment" as channeling a mean Bikram delivering bow. Wasn't my best, but it was only an experiment and now I know not to ask for a coke during my class! I have developed quite a thick skin since being here, and can handle the criticism that would have caused me to burst into tears 6 weeks ago.  Teachers are getting more and more critical of everyone's public speaking methods. I actually enjoy the feedback since I am curious to hear what they say about me. When we have a teacher that is reputed to be "mean" I always volunteer & take one for the team since I have decided to just have fun and not care what they think. This is me, what they see is what they get.

Dinner w/ Frankie, Laura & Fergus @ Ortega's

Mr & Mrs Sinicropi came to see us :-) 

Shavon's "Lock the Knee" T-Shirts

 I was extra tired this week, and the cumulative sleep deprivation has caught up to me. I could barely keep my eyes open during the posture clinics. I felt sort of anti-social since I am so tired. Self doubt keeps trying to creep into my thoughts. I am petrified to teach my first class.   Will I remember the dialogue? Will I be an inspiring teacher? Will people walk out of my class? Another Bikramism "You have nothing to lose because you never had anything to begin with" erases all of those negative thoughts. He is right. I never DID have anything to begin with except for those crappy thoughts. I am replacing my negative thoughts with My name is Kim and I AM your yoga teacher. I know I will be good at this and will do a mock class with my friends next weekend. I will remember the dialogue, because I take this class twice a day and it's in there somewhere. I will be inspiring because I love this yoga and want others to love it too. Bikram has been teaching in the morning for the advanced seminar and somehow the tent is only extra hot when he teaches. How is that possible? He has been keeping us for over 2 hours in the Hot Room and I have to remind myself that I am simply stretching in a warm room. I didn't realize classes were so long, just had to borrow water from my neighbor when I ran out of all ice and water at Half Tortoise.

Friday's class reminded me of "Black Monday" of week 2. He was holding us in postures for what seemed like an eternity and would tell stories in between while we were all suffering with what I hoped was a  smiling happy face. He said a lot of things that offended people in the yoga tent, but I chose to ignore him.  All I could do to breathe and stay in the tent. If I let his words get to me, I might stop breathing or run out of the tent again.  It occurred to me hours later instead of telling us to become bullet proof, he is throwing bullets at us form all angles.  I keep thinking the real world unfortunately is really like that outside of this yoga bubble. People can be cruel, life can be very hard hard. I have seen and  experienced people and other living beings suffering first hand. I know what the alternative is, sitting in my cubicle for 12 hours a day. Sitting in on meetings with the ever self- important Executives of a corporation.

As Brandy Lyn said week 1: Sometimes we need to crack in order to see the light.
I love you, boss.