Week 7 done and Bikram's quote
"Better to suffer 90 minutes than 90 years" got me through most of the week.
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| Teachers demonstrating Fixed Firm Pose in posture clinic |
We had double posture clinics most days which meant we went through postures again at warp speed. We got up to Rabbit Pose and we will most likely finish the remaining postures this week. Frankie & Laura came to training to get re-certified and stayed through until Tuesday morning. I was fortunate enough to have Frankie in posture clinic Monday. Unfortunately, she got to see my "experiment" as channeling a mean Bikram delivering bow. Wasn't my best, but it was only an experiment and now I know not to ask for a coke during my class! I have developed quite a thick skin since being here, and can handle the criticism that would have caused me to burst into tears 6 weeks ago. Teachers are getting more and more critical of everyone's public speaking methods. I actually enjoy the feedback since I am curious to hear what they say about me. When we have a teacher that is reputed to be "mean" I always volunteer & take one for the team since I have decided to just have fun and not care what they think. This is me, what they see is what they get.
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| Dinner w/ Frankie, Laura & Fergus @ Ortega's |
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| Mr & Mrs Sinicropi came to see us :-) |
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| Shavon's "Lock the Knee" T-Shirts |
I was extra tired this week, and the cumulative sleep deprivation has caught up to me. I could barely keep my eyes open during the posture clinics. I felt sort of anti-social since I am so tired. Self doubt keeps trying to creep into my thoughts. I am petrified to teach my first class. Will I remember the dialogue? Will I be an inspiring teacher? Will people walk out of my class? Another Bikramism "You have nothing to lose because you never had anything to begin with" erases all of those negative thoughts. He is right. I never DID have anything to begin with except for those crappy thoughts. I am replacing my negative thoughts with My name is Kim and I AM your yoga teacher. I know I will be good at this and will do a mock class with my friends next weekend. I will remember the dialogue, because I take this class twice a day and it's in there somewhere. I will be inspiring because I love this yoga and want others to love it too. Bikram has been teaching in the morning for the advanced seminar and somehow the tent is only extra hot when he teaches. How is that possible? He has been keeping us for over 2 hours in the Hot Room and I have to remind myself that I am simply stretching in a warm room. I didn't realize classes were so long, just had to borrow water from my neighbor when I ran out of all ice and water at Half Tortoise.
Friday's class reminded me of "Black Monday" of week 2. He was holding us in postures for what seemed like an eternity and would tell stories in between while we were all suffering with what I hoped was a smiling happy face. He said a lot of things that offended people in the yoga tent, but I chose to ignore him. All I could do to breathe and stay in the tent. If I let his words get to me, I might stop breathing or run out of the tent again. It occurred to me hours later instead of telling us to become bullet proof, he is throwing bullets at us form all angles. I keep thinking the real world unfortunately is really like that outside of this yoga bubble. People can be cruel, life can be very hard hard. I have seen and experienced people and other living beings suffering first hand. I know what the alternative is, sitting in my cubicle for 12 hours a day. Sitting in on meetings with the ever self- important Executives of a corporation.
As Brandy Lyn said week 1: Sometimes we need to crack in order to see the light.
I love you, boss.
